I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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