sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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