STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
