One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
