He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
