I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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