please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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