so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We left an ass print on the piano.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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