quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
