well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
