so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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