He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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