Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There r osticjed everywhere
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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