I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
