Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It's just like the Real World with babies
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize