I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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