Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
