He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
my liver is dry heaving
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
