I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
