Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
