it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
