My pussy is not your playground.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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