i just wanna soil my oats bro
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
