I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
