Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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