I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
