i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
