I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
