he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
