I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
soo... how was my night?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
