We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
40s are totally the cure
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
