the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
