One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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