remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
