I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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