Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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