if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
