I cockslap morals
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
