i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
