So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
