Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
