So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
