the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
