hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
