i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
