at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
