I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i think i have two assholes
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
