Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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