There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize