I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
