I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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