Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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