You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
