I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
