I can't watch pbs sober anymore
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
