Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
