Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
