After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
