Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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