apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
