also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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