I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
