I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
