There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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