he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
